Progress to date...

Its been a while since I posted on my blog but there are good reasons (and I do mean reason's rather than excuses):

1) I have been 'empire building'- I have completed my first private domestic project and have another two or three in the offing. It's happening people!

2) I have been creating an Interior Design Blog and Brand for my fledgling company.

This blog http://ypyr.blogspot.co.uk/will be up and running in the new year with lots of concepts, practical advise and projects to peruse. Including posts from friends and readers about their home design projects.

3) We found our dream house, well our dream project house, put our house on the market and then lost the dream house - Heatbreak!

3) I was awarded a big project - a £25m high-end office development in a public location

4) We have been away to New York - we finally managed to start ticking of those 'big destinations' which wouldn't be possible without my new job.

Us at the Top of the Rock @ The Rockefeller Centre in New York

5) I treated myself to my dream handbag following the completion of my first independant project.

Cat that got the cream doesn't begin to cover it!

All in all there have been highs and low's in recent months but its overwhelmingly positive for the future. I am resolved to keep focused and keep working hard.

None of the above would be possible without the kind suport and encourangement of friends and family. I would especially like to thank Victoria Hale (aka. Sugar Plum Slipper) for singing my praises, trusting me and supporting me in every way possible and, my other half, Dave who has been a trooper in picking up the slack at home while I've been working long hours.

I consider is a sign from the universe that the bottom of
the Mulberry bag says 'Thank You'

P.S. I am also resolved to go on a post New York Pre- Party Season health kick... as I am absolutley no closer to the perfect body.

 

Another stark realisation

I just got off the phone with my mum and my stomach is in knots... I've realised that I am absolutely terrified.

It was, from my perspective (which isn't always accurate), a decidedly negative phone call in which my mum put a time limit on the opportunity to do the self build project at Wellmead.

She is absolutely right, of course, and I would never want her to put her life or plans on hold for me but this is a familiar feeling and I am once again subject to my mums particular take on tough love...

I have to contact the planning department and see if this project has any hope of realisation

I know that this is her motivational technique (Dave has also been trying to gently and cautiously focus my attention) and I know everything my mum does has my best interests at heart but I have a familiar feeling of dread deep in my stomach which has forced me to confront the issues that I have been suppressing;

I am scared that this opportunity will be over before its begun

I am really worried that my mum isn't totally on board with our plans

I am scared of selling our home and living rough for a year in a static home

I am terrified that I don't have the ability to make a success of the opportunity if planning is granted

I am petrified of ruining a place that our family has shared for 3 generations

I am worried about managing a building contract that represents hundreds of thousand of pound and potential debt for Dave and I

I am scared that I won't be able to get the return on that investment to take care of my family

I am worried that I'll fail and disappoint all those nearest and dearest to me

I'm terrified of ruining a (at times a very difficult) relationship with my mum, who I love to the point of agony.

I'm afriad I have got

THE FEAR!

I think that about sums up my current fears... as you can see I have a lot of work to do to turn these worries into the positive attitude, visualisation and confidence that I need to make this work and I can not approach the planners until I have gained the confidence to be self assured when I do.

I have always had low self confidence... its time to step up to the plate and believe in myself or no one else will.

For today I will just have to take solace in a quote I read today in an email from Dream. Find. Do (the sister website of Florance Finds)

'If your dreams don't scare you they're not big enough'

Michelle from Pocket Full Of Dreams mantra

Thanks to Rebbecca and Michelle for providing me with a bit of hope and inspiration in my current pit of fear. I await the details of the 'Blogging Workshop' with breath that is baited

I am also thankful for the fact that I have my first very satisfied customer in Mrs Victoria Hale- Griffiths aka Sugar Plum Slipper

I happy and excited about my conversation with a very lovely man about enrolling on a City of Guilds Upholstery and French Polishing course to add to my [Your] Place, Your Rules dream. [link coming soon] 

I am also thankful for this blog, which today is better than a therapist.

I think I need a fairly intense session with The Secret

I'll keep you posted x

Yesterday was a good day...

1) I rediscovered my favorite childhood meal... Cornish Pasty, peas and gravy

2) I bought some fabulous interior design books by Terrance Conran at M&S

3) Finally and most importantly, after a long struggle, I have finally found at set up a blog for my interior design brand... I'm going out on my own people!

Thank you!

My Dare to Dream

I want, I want, I want...

• I want my own interior design and brand development business where I am sought out by businesses and homeowners alike to renovate and remodel homes and workplaces
• I want real client interaction in which we really explore the requirements and desires for businesses and homes alike
• I want the job satisfaction of positivley inflencing clients homes and businesses for the better
• I want put to use my business and sociological education to use by combining interior with brand develeopment
• I want to work with Davey, who I love more than anything and who I miss daily
• I want flexibility and excitement in my life
• I want to take the dog to work
• I want to organise my own schedule to have a good life work balance
• I want to profit from my success, dedication and passion
• I want to be happy in my job
• I want good client relationships

[Please try not to read the above in the voice of Veruca Salt (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- Original film) this started as an 'I would like' list but it just didn't seem passionate enough]

All of the above has always seemed totally unachievable, like a distant dream that 'other' people can acomplish. However the Secret has allowed me to think about what might be possible and allowed my confidence in myself and my abilities to grow. 

The more I think about it the more I realise just how many people successfully run their own businesses.
Its taken a lot of searching and intraspective to start to let go of the fear I automitically feal when I think about 'going it alone' however slowly but surely I have begun to realise that Dave and I have as good a chance as anyone and I have started to belive that we can have the lives we want. Its within our grasp. We've got just to be brave, trust in each other and look after each other.  

I don't know if it's more confidence in myself since changing jobs, the fact that Dave's confidence and drive make it seem more possible or the fact that The Secret has convinced me that all perceived barriers were put there by me, but I do dare to dream now.

Today I am grateful for this blog, its little more than an online diary but it has done wonders for my focus and motivation.

Thank you google Blogger!

Expanding Ambition...

The new job not living up to my [huge] expectations has been a bit of a blow, a considerable knock to my pride and in general a bit depressing.

On the bright side...

It has made me re-focus and I have begun to realise that maybe I can't rely on finding the prefect job, maybe I have to create it.

The [new] Dream...
Dave and I have, for a while, aspired to create a self build on a piece of my Mums land* recently due to both of us being relatively unhappy at work this aspiration has become THE DREAM. 

* I should clarify that we are not a filthy rich family. My Nan and Grandad bought two cottages with land 'back in the day' and worked and saved hard to convert said cottages to a very nice moderately sized house in a large piece of land.

The Plan [reprioritised]...
The self-build dream has stepped up a notch and is now a key factor in my 'Expanding ambitions'. The self-build venture will not only be a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity but also the chance to gather the revenue to start our own business.

The business idea is an Interior Design and Refurbishment business that will focus on homes and businesses on a very personal scale.

The new business is now key to our future plans and seems to be the perfect solution: 

• It will allow me to create my perfect career
• It will allow Dave and I to work together, for ourselves to provide us with a secure future
• I will allow us to look after our families & nearest and dearest current and future
• It will be a rewarding and motivating career for both of us  

When it comes to this opportunity it's not difficult to be grateful:

Thank you to my Nana and Grandad who worked and saved so hard to pass on the house and land to my mum

Thank you for my Mum allowing us this fantastic opportunity. Thank you Mum for you unwavering confidence and your willingness to take a risk on us

Thank you to Dave who talked me through my worries and lack of confidence in my ability. Thank you to Dave for being strong, reassuring and supportive and for your confidence in me

Thank you to Dave's Dad our silent, patient long term investor

Confessions

I have been a terrible blogger of late and these are my confessions:


1) I have been a drunken wretch
A combination of big birthdays [30th's], festivals, hen dos, weddings and Bank Holidays (all the perfect excuse to celebrate...obviously) have lead to far to frequent occurrences an excellent drink fuelled celebrations out followed by miserable hang over days of duvet dwelling and junk food. I do not feel good.

2) My dream job is not my dream
This crushing realisation became apparent as I made the hour and a half commute home after a couple of weeks of 14 hour days scheduling furniture... there were tears.

3) I did not go back to Bootcamp

I did fully intend to go but:
I got the flu, followed by a chest infection...
Then I had a hectic time finishing my projects at my old job...
Then I went to Greece...
Then I started my new job...
Yes these are all excuses and in the 2 months that followed I have not made any effort to go the gym... at all.


4) I've been a bit down

I was so convinced that the new job was going to be amazing that its taken a little while to admit to myself that its not going to.

Still every cloud has a silver lining and it's made me take a bit of time to reassess what I want and how I am going to get it, which has resulted in Expanding Ambitions.

I'll keep you posted
x

Essex Boot Camp; It Hurts

Wednesday, as a punishment for my indiscretion with the Lindor White Chocolate Truffle, I finally signed up and attended Essex Boot Camp for the 1st of my 10 sessions [a bargain with Groupon at 10 sessions for £19].

Officially my 'new' favourite chocolates in the world 

I always get nervous going to these things; I inevitably end up going alone because no one else will indulge my desire for punishing exercise routines.

Generally I get nervous about being 'new' and not knowing what to expect, but this time I was terrified because I knew it was going to be a ridiculously hard workout. The fear induced by this knowledge was somewhat compounded by the fact that I had not exercised properly in 6 months!

Davey, doing his supportive boyfriend bit, walked me down to the local venue with the dog and kissed me goodbye.

It took everything in my resolve to turn away from him and make myself walk into the car park to meet the 30 strangers all looking fit, toned and milling around in red vests [I'm not going to say cult but...]

Thank God I was one of 5 new people, the other 4 had come in pairs, but at least I wasn't totally alone. I'd just started to relax and get chatty when Glynn Roberts [the owner of Essex Boot Camp, ex marine and total sadist] arrived.

The Warm Up From Hell...
The warm up started with a lap of the field [of which the newbies only had to do half] and then straight into a punishing routine of press ups, planks, burpies, lunges, a weird crawl on your hands and feet [I did it wrong and got yelled at] and intermittent sprints across the football pitch.

There is no slacking allowed. Any slacking results lots of shouting and an extension of what ever horrible exercise we were being put through.

By now I realised that I have totally lost my ability to do press ups and sit ups and no amount of yelling or determination not to be a 'let down' was going to fix that.

I spent most of my time wide eyed and face down in the mud praying I wouldn't get caught failing...



So not quite 'National Mud Day' standard but it was pretty muddy

 Halfway through the warm up I was totally ready to 'flick them the bird', shout a casual obscenity and throw my vest to the floor. I felt sick and my legs were like jelly. Whats more gratitude and positivity were firmly out the window!

I was definitely radiating defiance, fury and hatred at the man who was punishing me, seemingly for the pure joy of it.

The final part of the warm up was a lap of the pitch, the first half across the line were Team 1 lead by Glynn and the last half back were Team 2, lead by Lisa.

Needless to say I was in Team 2 [and now I know how to avoid Glynn]

The Main Work Out...
The second part of the training was exhausting but not as horrible of the warm up. Group 2 [my group] was with Lisa, who while still firm and motivational is not as merciless as Glynn. 

We were divided* into teams of three. Luckily two of the new girls, who I later found out to be sisters, sought me out.

*Dividing into little groups always fills me with dread... I am instantly reduced to a scared little girl who is terrified that she won't get picked. I know that I am nearly 30 and it shouldn't really matter but for some reason it does... massively!

The first activity was for two of the group to drag the third team member to the goal post and sprint back, this was repeated for each member of the group twice.

Then we had to find a partner, the fear surfaced... but luckily one of the girls whom I had been talking to before the session found and addopted me.

In partners we had to do 'overs and unders'*, relay sprints, sit ups/ press ups/ burpies before we moved on to the group activities.

*Overs and Unders; you lay on the ground while your partner jumps over you [dangerous with jelly legs] and then you have to make an arch from your body with your hands and feet on the floor while your partner crawls under you… then you swap over. It was hard.

We were then split into two teams and did a press up race [boys had to do 30 and girls had to do 20] followed by another team race which consisted of stomach toning pose to be held by the whole group while each member took a turn to sprint to and from the goal post.

Our group lost.

Twice.

 The final hurdle was to all sit on the floor holding hands and do sit ups, by this stage I was ruined and ended flopping around, making straining noises and generally disturbing everyone. However not as much as the owner of a loud fart which caused a huge amount of laughing and accusation.

The class finished with, Ex Marine, Glynn giving us newbies a ‘motivational talk’ [which was tantamount bullying with a sense of humour] but he did say that they 'will always push us to do our best and as long as we push ourselves they will be happy' … which was a little encouraging.

He also said we could expect phenomenal weight loss which was very encouraging. 

I warmed to him in the end but I am reserving the right to loathe him again in Mondays class!

Final Thought...

The class was really hard, mediocre effort is not indulged and you are pushed and kept moving for the entire hour. However when I 'made it through' I felt a real sense of achievement and had gained a very nice new friend called Susana… so I have promised to go back next week.

Two days after the class I am still in significant pain I have no idea how John Bishop is doing everything he's doing for Sport relief. He is my hero!

I’ll keep you posted…