Another stark realisation

I just got off the phone with my mum and my stomach is in knots... I've realised that I am absolutely terrified.

It was, from my perspective (which isn't always accurate), a decidedly negative phone call in which my mum put a time limit on the opportunity to do the self build project at Wellmead.

She is absolutely right, of course, and I would never want her to put her life or plans on hold for me but this is a familiar feeling and I am once again subject to my mums particular take on tough love...

I have to contact the planning department and see if this project has any hope of realisation

I know that this is her motivational technique (Dave has also been trying to gently and cautiously focus my attention) and I know everything my mum does has my best interests at heart but I have a familiar feeling of dread deep in my stomach which has forced me to confront the issues that I have been suppressing;

I am scared that this opportunity will be over before its begun

I am really worried that my mum isn't totally on board with our plans

I am scared of selling our home and living rough for a year in a static home

I am terrified that I don't have the ability to make a success of the opportunity if planning is granted

I am petrified of ruining a place that our family has shared for 3 generations

I am worried about managing a building contract that represents hundreds of thousand of pound and potential debt for Dave and I

I am scared that I won't be able to get the return on that investment to take care of my family

I am worried that I'll fail and disappoint all those nearest and dearest to me

I'm terrified of ruining a (at times a very difficult) relationship with my mum, who I love to the point of agony.

I'm afriad I have got

THE FEAR!

I think that about sums up my current fears... as you can see I have a lot of work to do to turn these worries into the positive attitude, visualisation and confidence that I need to make this work and I can not approach the planners until I have gained the confidence to be self assured when I do.

I have always had low self confidence... its time to step up to the plate and believe in myself or no one else will.

For today I will just have to take solace in a quote I read today in an email from Dream. Find. Do (the sister website of Florance Finds)

'If your dreams don't scare you they're not big enough'

Michelle from Pocket Full Of Dreams mantra

Thanks to Rebbecca and Michelle for providing me with a bit of hope and inspiration in my current pit of fear. I await the details of the 'Blogging Workshop' with breath that is baited

I am also thankful for the fact that I have my first very satisfied customer in Mrs Victoria Hale- Griffiths aka Sugar Plum Slipper

I happy and excited about my conversation with a very lovely man about enrolling on a City of Guilds Upholstery and French Polishing course to add to my [Your] Place, Your Rules dream. [link coming soon] 

I am also thankful for this blog, which today is better than a therapist.

I think I need a fairly intense session with The Secret

I'll keep you posted x

Expanding Ambition...

The new job not living up to my [huge] expectations has been a bit of a blow, a considerable knock to my pride and in general a bit depressing.

On the bright side...

It has made me re-focus and I have begun to realise that maybe I can't rely on finding the prefect job, maybe I have to create it.

The [new] Dream...
Dave and I have, for a while, aspired to create a self build on a piece of my Mums land* recently due to both of us being relatively unhappy at work this aspiration has become THE DREAM. 

* I should clarify that we are not a filthy rich family. My Nan and Grandad bought two cottages with land 'back in the day' and worked and saved hard to convert said cottages to a very nice moderately sized house in a large piece of land.

The Plan [reprioritised]...
The self-build dream has stepped up a notch and is now a key factor in my 'Expanding ambitions'. The self-build venture will not only be a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity but also the chance to gather the revenue to start our own business.

The business idea is an Interior Design and Refurbishment business that will focus on homes and businesses on a very personal scale.

The new business is now key to our future plans and seems to be the perfect solution: 

• It will allow me to create my perfect career
• It will allow Dave and I to work together, for ourselves to provide us with a secure future
• I will allow us to look after our families & nearest and dearest current and future
• It will be a rewarding and motivating career for both of us  

When it comes to this opportunity it's not difficult to be grateful:

Thank you to my Nana and Grandad who worked and saved so hard to pass on the house and land to my mum

Thank you for my Mum allowing us this fantastic opportunity. Thank you Mum for you unwavering confidence and your willingness to take a risk on us

Thank you to Dave who talked me through my worries and lack of confidence in my ability. Thank you to Dave for being strong, reassuring and supportive and for your confidence in me

Thank you to Dave's Dad our silent, patient long term investor

From Career Crisis to Confidence

Preparing for my interview got me thinking about the changes in my career over the last 18 months and how grateful I am for them. I went from someone who felt trapped by 'lack' to someone who attracted more development opportunities in 18 months that the entire 5 years previous. I am convinced it's because The Secret taught me that a positive attitude attracts opportunity.

This is my story...

For many years I have worried about which direction to progress my career to gain success. Every time I thought about persuing my education in Architecture I felt sick and anxious but I couldn’t see a way to develop my preferred career in interior design. The indecision made me feel awful and like a failure. I worried constantly because I didn’t know what to do for the best and my employer was pressuring me.

I was having a total confidence crises and couldn’t see how to make my career suit my personality. I began to try and be what I thought others wanted which made me depressed and insecure because I felt dishonest.

After reading The Secret I realised that I had allowed other people to undermine the confidence I had when I left uni. I had let my colleagues short sighted criticism put doubt into my mind that I even belonged in the creative world.

I made a decision to stop worrying and started looking for inspiration of how to make my career work for me. I feel a renewed sense of confidence and ambition because I have found examples of people who have enjoyed massive success by not conforming.

Meet my celebrity muses:

 Zara Hadid; Not only is she a female architect, but she is a female British-Iraqi architect who has overcome many obstacles. My favourite Zara quote is:

‘Men don’t listen to me, so I have to give them hell’

Working in a male dominated profession can be intimidating sometimes especially when you turn up on site to tell burly builders twice your age what they’ve done wrong. Next time one of them gives me grief I am going to channel Zara!

Vivienne Westwood; who doesn’t love Viv? 70 years old and still kicking arse in the design world. Not only is she an amazing designer she often writes though provoking pieces on human rights, ethics and philosophy [her blog is a must read]. On top of all this she has an incredible sense of fun and doesn’t take herself too seriously which I’m pretty sure is unique in the fashion world. I would love to take her to dinner to discuss her ethics followed by skanking at a punk gig!

 Lady Gaga; I didn’t used to rate Lady Gaga. I thought she was an intriguing gimmick who produced good songs but nothing to obsess over.

How my opinions have changed!

I watched Gaga on the TV at the Radio 1 gig and she blew me away. She is packed with talent and her ‘eccentrically artistic bit’ is just the sideline.

From there I went on to Watch the Monsterball tour and fell in love with her. I have never seen another artist give back so much encouragement and love back to her fans... I am now a proper Little Monster and if I need a confidence boost my medicine is dancing like a loony in my pants to Gaga!

Meet My Muses in the Family...

I am lucky to be surrounded and encouraged by three of the most inspiring artistic and creative ladies I could wish to have by my side. It definitely runs in the family... 

 

[Left to Right] My Nana, my Mum with baby me and Lizzy-Bet with crazy custom made moustache



Not to mention Papa Bear, a home builder and master craftsman. Our Dad learned to carve so he could make us a rocking horse, made us countless pieces of custom furniture and worked constantly with my Mum to build a family home and a happy childhood for both my sister and I.

Thank you. Thank You. Thank you. Thank you.



Papa Bear [aka Dad]

Thanks to these inspiring people and a little help from the secret I managed to work out [at the ripe old age of 27] that it was OK to be myself, that I had a right to make my life and my career work for me rather than squeezing myself into a pre-formed mould.

They gave me the confidence to stand up for myself and take positive action to push for the things I wanted.

They gave me the self worth to value my opinion and my work as highly as the next designer and to not care if it wasn’t to everyone’s taste.

Now I am focused on finding the positive and inspiring I absolutely adore reading the interviews with eccentric characters in design [BD Magazine]. In this weeks BD an architect called Piers Taylor resigned from his practice, via email, after a holiday in Australia to escape the confines of the studio and set up a new venture called 'Invisible Studio' to work collaboratively with magicians and mathematicians.

There is too much criticism and negativity in the world and if you let it surround you, you can drown in it. I am now entirely focused on seeking out inspiring characters and designers and focusing on what I can be, rather than what I can’t.

It Works...

I decided about a year ago to just focus on the fact that I wanted a career in Interior design, rather than all the possible obstacles. Very quickly the office began to get more and more Interior Design commissions, which were all offered to me and in September last year my boss agreed to change my job description to Interior Designer.

Now I have an interior design career I am determined to focus on greater success in this or another creative industry and I will let the universe decide how that success comes to me.

I'll keep you posted.